Never Alone
by Ash to Dust
Summary: A young Cadvan considers his uncertain future, will he become first bard or wander aimlessly in the wild and visit Pellinor as he had always watned? He somehow ends up gaining some unexpected help. Pellinor Fic.
1. Talking

Never Alone

He stared out at the river Lir from his favorite spot. It was quiet here and no one ever came this far away from Lirigon so he wasn't disturbed in his musing, if you could call it that. To him it was more deciding what to do with himself.

The wind blew his hair and he carefully pushed it out of the way. He was glad that this place was unknown to anyone but him, so even the girls couldn't find him. He could see Pellinor in the distance, tall and proud with all its beauty. He wanted to go there at some point. The towers glistened and if he listened carefully he could hear the telltale sounds of eternal music on the breeze.

At least he had no other lessons today. Normally he wouldn't have minded spending time with Saliman and Malgorn or even with Nelac but today was different. Nine years ago he had come to the speech, it had been totally alien to him as neither of his parents were bards. So why was he? Occasionally he thought of it as a gift and other times it was a curse.

His life had been turned on its head that day. Even now he found himself slipping into using the speech when conversing with his family before remembering that they wouldn't understand him.

Yet already they were calling him a great mage, they said that he would be first bard of Lirigon one day, and maybe even Norloch. Didn't they understand that he would rather wander around the countryside? To help the poor and perhaps find a home elsewhere, somewhere quiet yet full of adventure. He was born to be wild.

He had never felt so alone before.

Maybe he should go now, leave Lirigon and perhaps go to Pellinor as he had always wanted, or Innail. Somewhere he wouldn't have to worry about fitting in. Yes, that seemed like a good idea. But he wouldn't tell anyone, he couldn't. Once again he found his hand going to his shoulder, rubbing the scar.

Or then again maybe not, he knew the dangers of the wild and had paid for his ignorance of it. He remembered Nelac's horrified expression when he had found his young student lying by the lake, slowly bleeding to death.

Suddenly he heard a rustling sound and he was pulled from his musing. The sound came again, behind him and he jumped to his feet, drawing his sword, Arnost.

"Who's there?" he called, trying to sound brave.

"_Lemmach! _It's only me!" Slowly he relaxed as his younger sisters head appeared from behind a tree. She was dressed for cold weather and looked rather dirty. Not that she minded, she like the wild as much as him.He sheathed his sword and sat down as she came over.

"Why did you follow me? I thought you didn't know the speech!" Cadvan couldn't stop the questions from pouring out. Kiryn sat down beside him and he automatically wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in for a hug, they sat there for some time in silence, just admiring the beauty of nature. Once again he found that only Kiryn understood how he felt.

"I've picked some words up, it's not that hard, and all sorts of people use the speech. I thought you needed company, it's getting cold and a storms coming in." Kiryn replied firmly. He noticed that she was holding his jacket. Whether he liked it or not it was beginning to get rather chilly. "Mom's going mad with worry for you." she added meekly. He snorted with laughter.

"Mom? Worried about me? She always ignores me, like I'm not there and you know why." Cadvan replied, pulled the jacket on nonetheless. Kiryn shivered and huddled closer to him. He pulled some twigs over and laid them out for a fire. He then held his fingers towards them a muttered _Noroch_. The twigs caught fire and they both leaned towards the warmth.

"Mom doesn't hate you Cad." Kiryn told him as the wind began to pick up. "She's just having a hard time adjusting to it."

"She's had nine years already, how long to they need?" Cadvan asked sarcastically. Kiryn gave him a disapproving glance.

"Don't tell me you're thinking of leaving again." Cadvan bowed his head in admittance; he swore that his sister had bardic blood in her somewhere, he was sure she could read people's minds. Kiryn sighed.

"Cad you promised me you wouldn't go! What about Saliman and Malgorn? Are you just going to leave them and Nelac too?"

"I don't fit in here Ki, I never have." Cadvan argued but knew it was pointless.

"Yes you do, you have friends and Nelac…" she trailed off as if wanting to say more.

"Go on." he prompted.

"…and me." Kiryn finished quietly before turning away from him and staring up towards the gathering clouds. Her blue eyes reflected the fire making them appear the same colour as her hair, a rich gold. He noticed a single tear running down her cheek and gently wiped it away.

"I know sis, I know." Cadvan of Lirigon had once again been defeated by his younger sibling.

"We'd better get home before the heavens open up." Kiryn stated after a while. He nodded in agreement and put the fire out, stretched his stiff limbs and stood up. Kiryn hadn't moved.

"Do you think that Papa's out there somewhere?" she asked after a moment, looked up at the sky. Cadvan winced at the subject opened old wounds. It hurt to think about his dad, killed whilst protecting him.

"Yes, somewhere," he told his sister. She nodded in understanding, "It hurts to think that everyone I love will grow old while I stay young." Cadvan finally admitted his fear. Kiryn stood and came over to him.

"I'll always be here for you Cad. I'll never leave you and can always find me, in here." Kiryn gently prodded his chest, over his heart and he nodded, "If not in body then in spirit. I don't fear death Cad, because I know one day we will meet again beyond the gates." Cadvan struggled to hold back tears at his little sister's words.

"I don't fear death either." Kiryn nodded. She had always had a deep bond with Cadvan. She didn't know why as she had a sister and two other brothers yet she had gone for him, the outcast of the family, the quiet, reflective boy.

"You're not alone Cad, you'll never be alone." Kiryn promised as they headed away from the hilltop, away from magic of Pellinor and the wild towards their walk home in Lirigon.

"I know Kiryn, I know." Together they began the long walk home as lightening flashed over their heads.

Fin.

_Reviews are always welcome_


	2. Questioning

The sun struggled to break through the clouds that loomed overhead without much luck. The storm over Lirigon wasn't about to break up. Rain lashed against the window as Saliman tried to peer out of it again without much luck. He could only just make out the house across the street. Malgorn was pacing behind him, besides being incredibly distracting he was almost wearing a hole in Nelac's carpet.

"Will you stop pacing, please?" Saliman asked without turning around, "Nelac won't be happy with you if you ruin his carpet." Malgorn stopped and glared at his friends back. How could he possibly be so relaxed?

"What if something's happened to him?" his voice sounded desperate no matter more much he tried to remain calm. Once again he resumed his fast walk around the room. He didn't know why but it made him feel better.

"Cadvan can look after himself Mal, he'll be here." Saliman promised quietly, he had to try hard to believe it himself. Cadvan could be rather careless. But Kiryn had vanished too, so surely she would look after her brother? Even if she wasn't a Bard she knew how to take care of one.

"Even in this weather? Seriously, Saliman don't over-estimate Cadvan's incredible powers of survival in the wild."

"What makes you think he's in the wild?" Both boys jumped as Cadvan's mother, Aquila, appeared in the doorway. By the looks of her face she had been crying and she looked terribly pale.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" Saliman exclaimed, having turned around, "I didn't hear you come in!" Malgorn abruptly stopped pacing at the sight of Nelac, who was standing behind Aquila with a hand on her shoulder. Although their mentor looked calm they had known him long enough to see the disguised worry.

"How long has he been gone?" Nelac asked patiently as he entered the room and looked out the window, apparently oblivious to the fact that it was practically impossible to see further than a few metres.

"About two hours." Saliman estimated and finding nothing better to do he picked up a book and sat down examining its crumpled pages and elegant script.

The room fell silent and for several minutes all that could be heard was the gentle pit-patter of the rain hitting the roof and window. Malgorn had continued with his pacing around the room apparently ignoring Saliman's warning. Aquila had sat down in the corner and was playing with the corner of her dress, Saliman continued to examine the book and Nelac stared out of the window.

It seemed that the atmosphere was about as tense as you could get when a stone hit the window and Nelac suddenly laughed.

"There he is!" Saliman and Malgorn jumped up and practically raced Aquila to the window. Outside were two very wet figures. Nelac opened the window and a voice called up.

"Open the blasted door for the Light's sake, we're freezing!" Kiryn shouted at them and Saliman grinned and raced downstairs to let his friend inside. However Malgorn reached the door long before him and he was closely followed by Aquila and Nelac. Moments later two dripping people were sat in front of the fire. Kiryn looked the better of the two; she was already warm, dry and had rosy cheeks.

However Cadvan hadn't been so lucky. He was shivering and soaked as Nelac began to strip him of his wet clothes, all the time scolding him for even thinking of running off when a storm was coming off. His anger abruptly disappeared when Cadvan, now standing, suddenly wavered and fell. Malgorn caught him before he could hit the floor. Nelac helped him lay Cadvan on the sofa and turned to Kiryn who was looking shocked.

"You'd better tell me everything that happened Kiryn, and fast."

--

Cadvan woke to find that his room in Lirigon was rather crowded. His mother was sat beside the bed, fast asleep, Saliman and Malgorn were playing Gis in the corner and he noted that Saliman appeared to be losing. Nelac was gazing out of the window and Kiryn was playing with Terror, her aptly name ginger kitten.

He couldn't remember coming up to his room and began to wonder what everyone was doing in his room anyway. He cleared his throat to ask what was going on and instantly there was a flurry of action.

Saliman and Malgorn came running over, Kiryn picked up Terror and sat on the bed of his bed, his mother woke with a start and Nelac hurried over and felt his forehead.

"What..?" he asked although he had meant to say, 'What's going on here?' and his voice had failed him.

"Shh." Nelac said and the room fell silent, "You collapsed Cadvan, don't you remember?" Cadvan frowned and shook his head, which resulted in the room tilting rather violently. Once the dizziness had passed he was left with the feeling of nausea.

"Can you tell what day it is?" Nelac asked quietly whilst checking his pulse.

"Erm… Thursday, twentieth October." Cadvan replied and knew instantly something was wrong. Nelac exchanged a worried look with Aquila and then looked back at his patient. Quietly Kiryn muttered the real date.

"Thursday, twelfth March." Cadvan swallowed hard, this was bad.

"It would seem that you have minor amnesia. I'm sure your memory will return with time." Nelac concluded as he reached for a glass on the side and helped Cadvan to drink. Minor? Cadvan thought incredulously, only minor? He'd lost five months of his life!

"Relax Cad. You'll be ok." Saliman soothed when he noticed his friend's distress, 'We'll help you, I mean, something's got to be a trigger." Malgorn nodded enthusiastically at the idea and Kiryn smiled approvingly. Slowly Cadvan calmed down and Nelac motioned towards the door with his head. Saliman and Malgorn sighed and left. Kiryn and Aquila didn't move. Nelac sighed in annoyance.

"That means you two as well." he scolded and Cadvan gave a wry smile. Slowly Aquila left the room but Kiryn refused the move. Nelac decided that she may as well stay. Only she knew what had happened anyway as Cadvan had forgotten everything about to journey home.

Nelac convinced Cadvan to drink something to make him fall asleep as he badly needed the rest. Then, much to his amusement, Terror curled up beside the sleeping boy.

"Why's Cad forgotten everything?" Kiryn muttered sounding rather timid. Nelac gave her a gentle smile and tried his very best to explain how memory loss was caused. Suddenly Kiryn remembered something that had happened on the way home.

"He fell over and hit his head. But he got up again and he looked alright. Could that be what caused it?" Kiryn asked, desperation starting to show in her voice.

"It might be." Nelac replied as he gently turned Cadvan over and asked Kiryn to open one of the curtains and then hold her brother for him. It didn't take him long to find the spot where Cadvan's head had come into contact with the ground.

"Well?" Kiryn asked. Nelac looked up gravely.

"I don't want you to tell anyone else this Kiryn; can I trust you to keep a secret?" Kiryn nodded vigorously, "I think this is something a lot more serious than memory loss."

"Serious?" Kiryn whispered, letting her worry pour out into the word.

"Yes, sometimes hitting your head effects you very badly, some get dizzy, others lose their memory, others forgot how to do certain things and some even find themselves unable to talk properly."

"What happens after that?" Kiryn asked her eyes wide. Nelac swallowed hard, he hated admitting this but even he knew this was beyond his skill to heal. Only love and support could help his student now.

"Then, they die." he whispered, unable to believe his own words.


End file.
